Enlightenment BY Giving up the ghost

by Alan Steinborn

Some books are truly memorable.

Some books are truly memorable for one or two sentences that stick
to your mind like barnacles on the bottom of a boat.

Some books are truly memorable for one or two sentences that prove themselves to be utterly prophetic.

It was the spring of 1992 that I read the first sentence of Henry Miller's Tropic of Capricorn.

To this day I can recite that sentence.

To prove it, without looking at the book, no longer in my possession anyway, I can tell you with 100% certainty
that the Tropic of Capricorn begins with this gem:

"Once you give up the ghost, everything happens with dead certainty. Even in the midst of chaos."

That sentence was an instant classic for me.

Little did I know how prophetic that sentence would turn out to be!

It happened 4 years later.

By that time, spring 1996, I was living in the house of a drunken potato farmer and
his Angolan wife in the Alcantara District in Lisbon, Portugal.

I was living in a back room of their house like a monk.

I had a small thin mattress on the floor on one side of the room next to the window and a candle next to the bed for reading.

On the other side of the room was my suitcase, forever halfway packed (just in case...) and next to that was my saxophone and next to my sax was a pile of about 4 essential books, two journals and one sketch pad.

That was all I owned in this world and all I had in that room!

Except for one wallet sized picture crudely hanging in the center of a wall.

You could easily walk through the room and miss it. Unless you were me!

I had found the picture in an academic book about leading spiritual masters from India.

The book had many pictures. But there was one that really attracted me. The man's name was Sawan Singh.

He was not a big time famous saint. I just liked his face.

In fact, to say I liked his face is inaccurate.

I adored his face. I learned from his face.

Upon discovering this treasure I immediately regarded him as my teacher!

Never mind the fact that he had died 30 years before the time of my discovery.

It hardly mattered to me.

I didn't even read the book.

I would stare at the picture for untold minutes every day.

I would let my focus linger on his features and soften so that I simply fell into his magnificence.

In this way I learned things that could never be described in books.

Here is the picture:

As my teacher, I spent time in front of this picture many times a day.

Sometimes I would ask questions while looking into that face.

Answers would be immediately forthcoming.

The picture was like a best friend to me.

When I had troubles or was heart sick, I would look at the picture and let myself 'give' my bad feelings to that picture...I would unload myself.

Always, I came away feeling unburdened, clear and a little closer to wisdom.

This went on for quite a while until one day in the spring of 1996.

The day before was full moon so I decided to do a full moon fast and to fast on the day after the full moon as well.

For the fast days, I did nothing. I didn't write or play music. I didn't see anybody.

I didn't eat anything.

I simply walked and meditated and drank water and nothing else for the two days.

I became very still and sensitive (try going without food for a day and it is remarkable what you pick up on. I could walk past people's homes and smell what food was in their fridge and on their tables...quite exquisite.)

Towards the end, I was meditating before the picture...just watching it and watching it, expecting nothing, knowing nothing, simply merging!

All at once, something happened that would have surprised me had I not been so at peace.

A clear voice spoke to me from within.

It said: Burn it! Your Guru is within, you no longer need this. Burn it!

Without a moment's hesitation I grabbed matches, pulled my beloved picture off the wall and, with tears in my eyes, I burned my picture to ashes.

There I sat in my empty room with ashes in my hand.

I sat there in silence, and a magnificent smile had spread itself all over my face.

It was true!

Having given up the ghost, everything was happening with dead certainty!

In that moment, I was enlightened.

I got up and went to the neighborhood restaurant and ate a sumptuous meal!

Please email me at alan@speaknow.biz and tell me about a time when your seemingly
essential story evaporated in the face of a here and now which captivated you and catapulted
you into realm of joy and surrender.

Yours in Presence,

Alan Steinborn

Alan Steinborn, All Rights Reserved, 2003, 2004, 2005, 2006, 2007