Avoiding the I am Sorry Rat Trap!
Neutralizing the Origin of Self-consciousness and Stage Fright

by Alan Steinborn

Sorry...Sorry...Sorry

We hear this word all the time.

Yesterday was no exception.

There I was in the produce department at Whole Foods.

As I rushed over there to get a head of lettuce, I bumped into a woman
who was standing between me and my prize.

Before I could say anything to her or even smile, she blurted out: "I am sorry."

I was astonished.

Here I was rushing around like a madman, I bumped into her and she was apologizing!

That got me thinking.

What is she sorry for?

I know, I know, it is a habit and people just say it without thinking, but what is the point?

My conclusion could have a major impact on the power of your presence.

I concluded that she was saying that she is sorry for being there!

She was sorry for existing in the spot where I absent-mindedly wanted to be.

Isn't there something strange about this to you?

It may seem like a small incident, but it is not!

The way we talk to ourselves and others is a major
factor in creating the reality of our lives.

If we walk around constantly apologizing for our presence what are we telling the world about ourselves?

Worse yet, what are we telling ourselves about ourselves?

We are saying that we don't belong here.

That we should be invisible or nonexistent to avoid any manner of discomfort.

The apology for being there is the birth of self-consciousness
and stage fright of all varieties.

This seemingly benign statement is in fact a self-condemnation of her very presence!

The effect of this condemnation is to reduce her power of presence.

It makes her voice small.

I perpetuates her shyness.

I perpetuates her fear of other people's opinions of her.

It is a human sized rat trap!!!

Are you stuck in a rat trap that keeps you from fully expressing yourself?

I offer training and coaching to help you get past the compulsion to disappear in front of others.

In the mean time, try this:

The next time you are in a situation where you feel the urge to apologize
and make yourself smaller than you really are, instead turn it around and
say something positive about the situation or the other person.

For example, when I bumped into the woman in front of the lettuce stand,
instead of apologizing to her, I smiled and said to her: Those are some lovely
heads they have today, aren't they?"

She smiled and agreed and I walked away happy!

As always, let me know how it goes!


Yours in Presence,

Alan Steinborn

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For numerous years, communication authority, Alan Steinborn has shared his opinions with leaders throughout the
world. He is president of SpeakNow and InPresence Training. His clients have included leaders from the European
Union, Union Bank of Switzerland, IBM, Dell, Texas State Government, scores of small business leaders and many more.

Phil Hamilton, President of Hamilton Valuation said: "Working with Alan has helped my communication
effectiveness far more than anything else I've ever done."

Jim Roach, former Senior Account Executive for Anne Kleine said: "His commitment to deep listening has provided
me with a key, that unlocks the previously hidden wisdom within myself. I am now able to express this inherent
wisdom in the world. " Steinborn is currently authoring a book entitled: Leading with Presence: How to Drive Your
Business by Paying Attention.


Alan Steinborn, All Rights Reserved, 2003, 2004, 2005, 2006